When I went to the City Hall to renew my dog's license, I told the clerk I wanted a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like one, too!"
Then I said, "But this is a dog."
He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand. I've had Sex since I was 9 years old."
He winked at me and said, "You must have been quite a kid."
When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took my dog with me. I told the hotel clerk I wanted a room for my wife and me, and a special room for Sex.
He said, "You don't need a special room for Sex. As long as you pay your bill, we don't care what you do."
I said, "Look, you don't seem to understand. Sex keeps me awake at night."
The clerk said, "Funny, I have the same problem."
Well one day, I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog got loose and ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there, looking disappointed. I told her I had planned to have Sex in the contest. She said, "Wonderful! If you sell tickets, you'll clean up!"
"But you don't understand," I said. "I want to have Sex on TV."
She said, "They already have that on cable. It's no big deal anymore."
Well, my wife and I decided to separate, so we went to court to fight for custody of the dog.
I said to the judge, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married."
The judge said, "The court is not a confessional. Please stick to the facts."
Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said "Me too."
Well, last night Sex ran away again, and I spent hours looking all over town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at 4 o'clock in the morning?"
I said, "I'm looking for Sex." My case comes up on Friday.