Books on Podiatry are filled with foot notes.

An optimist laughs to forget; a pessimist forgets to laugh.

If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

My teenager only eats one meal a day -- it lasts all day long.

The only time you notice housework is when it isn't done.

The great thing about losing 10 pounds is eating it back on again.

A loose tongue is usually a sign of a lost head.

It's this simple: The IRS doesn't think of it as YOUR money.

Chinese Disco features wok and woll.

Nothing keeps the doctor away as well as his round of golf.

Some record albums aren't released -- they escape.

When some one says something can't be done, it only means he can't do it

Kindness always pays, but it pays best when not done for pay.

Only one man has succeeded in ruling the world. He makes maps.

A communist country is one where everything not forbidden is compulsory.

Diplomacy, at one time, consisted of giving a hand without a handout.

The optimist is often as wrong as the pessimist, but he is far happier.

Firmness is the admirable quality in us that is pigheadedness in others.

Love is woman's eternal spring and man's eternal fall.

A scandal is a breeze stirred up by a couple of windbags.

The most valuable thing you learn from experience is not to rely on it.

Many a go-go mind is attached to a so-so body.

Probably the most difficult of all instruments to play is second fiddle.

If you live in a small town and don't know what's going on -- nothing is

If you are beginning to encounter some hard bumps, be glad. At least you are out of the rut.

The trouble with a husband who works like a horse is that all he wants to do in the evenings is hit the hay.

Lots of things are more important than money. The trouble is that you need money to buy them.

In a materialistic society your problem is get your share of the material.

The world hasn't been inherited by the meek, but it is being largely supported by them.

Marriage is like the Army -- everyone complains but you'd be surprised at how many re-enlist.

You can take no credit for beauty at sixteen, but if you are beautiful at sixty, it will be you own soul's doing.

The real measure of a man's wealth is how much he would be worth if he lost all his money.

Never put off until tomorrow what you feel like doing today -- tomorrow it may be against doctor's orders.

Goodwill is the one and only asset the competition cannot undersell or destroy.

Money isn't everything -- but it sure comes in handy when you lose your credit cards.

Arguing with a lawyer is like mud wrestling a pig. Pretty soon you realize the pig likes it.

All the Constitution guarantees is the PURSUIT of happiness. You have to catch up with it by yourself.

Benjamin Franklin

Polaroids are not found on polar bears' butts.